I'm really into giveaways these days.

Loving all of the vendors I am finding at http://www.blushenvy.com/blog.html through their giveaway! Especially Origami Owl. Even if I don't win, I'm excited to have stumbled upon some awesome shops!

Oh.

Wow. I'm going to Africa today.

www.ugandasbeloved2008.blogspot.com

Awesome.

I'm in my computers in music class right now.

My professor has a clear view of my computer screen and he doesn't care.

"Computers In Music" is code for "biggest waste of time".

Only 5/50 could be happier than me.

I came to the realization tonight that my life now is better than it ever has been.

Some things have changed. I miss certain things. I miss relationships with certain people.

All in all, though, my life is just perfection.

I receive so much encouragement from the people I live with and around. I go to a school that is able to implement values I so dearly treasure into their teaching. I'm constantly aware of God's presence in my life...I have specific examples..one after the other. My relationships are fantastic. School is so hard, but I'm so in love with it. I'm not a number. I'm a LADY! (that's why) My days are stretched out with singing and dancing. I get to go hold African babies.

I feel more passion for what I believe than I ever have before.

I feel more compassion for people than I ever have before.

I just want to love you all. I do. I love you.

Getting an inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery.

Last night I went on my annual First Snow of the Season walk.

A little depressing, as most of the snow had melted by the time it was dark and quiet enough to take it. It's the principle of the thing. I had to.


It was weird doing it in a different area than I am used to. Since I started this tradition I have always lived at home and done it around that neighborhood.

This time I'm at college in a different setting. There is a different feel.

Things are changing. Lives. Seasons. Most of it's good. Some is questionable. Some is hard.

I still enjoy the weather that permits Madeline coats and Italian scarves. It's beautiful.

I am where I am and that is where I am supposed to be.

I wish you could experience some of the joy in my life.

Perhaps you do.

I hope so.

It's just so good.

Everything, really. Even what seemed hopeless.

Can I share it with you?

wrapped in scarves of beauty.

It really doesn't seem like I've only lived here for four weeks. Four weeks tomorrow.

I've been extremely blessed in everything here so far, it's a little bit ridiculous.

God's doing some really great things and building some really great relationships that are far from superficial.

It's a lot of work, this college thing, but I think I can manage. I don't have much time to really do anything. I actually have to say no to people sometimes when they ask me to go out. I've never had to do that before.

The crazy thing is that I love it. A whole lot. I'm always working on or reading about things that deeply interest me and it's so sweet.

I'm in the perfect place right now. I miss my friends back home that I spent so much of my summer with. I'm jealous of the fact that they all get to hang out together, but I'm really happy to be here making new friends.

Everyone here is such a good person. So genuine.

Everyone come visit me, please. We'll listen to Miles Davis on my turntable while I make dinner and follow it up with some Mario NES style.

It's perfect, trust me.

sing like you think no one's listening.

That title is a favorite line from a Straylight Run song. I used to listen to them all the time and hardly ever do now, but I wish I could take that advice and apply it all the time. I'm a lot more self conscious than probably anyone realizes. Including myself. I wish that weren't the case, and I don't really have anything legitimate to blame it on, so we'll just go with that as being a fact of life.

There are so many times when I wish I had more confidence in myself and even in other people. I have lately been worried about turning out to be a failure. Or not even necessarily that, but just not successful. I know that if I go by the standards of America I never will be, because let's face it, I'm going to be a vocalist. I try to pretend like I don't care what other people think, but I think that's impossible for anyone to fully achieve. If you think you have, you're likely in denial.

I guess I also have a really hard time actually trusting people. I feel like I've told people about this, but just saying it doesn't help anything. I think I've been let down too many times by people that I thought were incapable of such things. I don't know. It's probably also a personal problem. One that I have not yet been able to pick apart and understand.

I miss a lot of people that used to be those constants in my life. Now they are just the ones that I make small talk with and occasionally meet for coffee to go a bit deeper. I think though, that with a bit of age and maturity, I've gained some insight in how to deal better with current relationships. It's really re-assuring to know that there are somewhat easy ways to work things out instead of running from problems, which seems to have been my example from a few different people throughout my life. The biggest screw up with me is not communicating with someone when they have done something that bothers me. I'm an extremely timid person and really hate confrontation, so I'm used to just trying to deal with it. That's never worked and I'm finally kind of realizing what it takes.

It feels weird writing all of this down for people to read. I don't even know why I do, but whatever.

College is coming and I'm ecstatic.

This has been a good one already.

The summer, I mean. I can talk about how busy I am and how it's sometimes stressful, but all in all, it's been a beauty. I have my plans for next year, God is providing money for that like I asked him to, and I'm having a wonderful time with friends. I don't think there will be many more like it, so with that in mind I've been trying to cherish every moment of it. As I talk to friends who I'll be going to college with, I get more and more excited. It's going to be such a change. Such a good change. There was a period of about a month where I was almost sad about leaving the life I know now, but that has turned to pure excitement for what's to come. I actually feel like I'm growing up now and it's weird. I don't think anyone's ever ready for that, but it happens to most of us. I like it alot.

I'm the king of the world.

I know.

X marks the spot.

Because of the extreme amount of x's in a recent comment, I've decided to do a short post.

I don't really know what you want me to say.

I just graduated from cosmetology school two days ago, I will soon be a licensed hairstylist....so now I have time to work on all of those dreaded college applications that I have been putting off.

Im really scared of it all. Not college in itself, just the applications and scholarships and all of that. I'm....scared of rejection? Quite. I'm even more afraid that I'm going to get accepted to my first choice only to find out that I don't qualify for enough scholarship money to go there.

I am really stressing out about all of this and my stress has caused me to procrastinate even further....attempting to avoid the situation altogether. It's really not working at all.

I considered getting a job at a salon right away, but I think I am going to take some time off and focus on my regular classes and applications and maybe even have some time to relax. What a wonderful idea. I'll probably look into all of that come the beginning of next year. That seems reasonable.

All of this to say, if you would like to do my college/scholarship applications and essays or my psychology paper or presentation for me, by all means...have at it. I'd be more than happy to pass it on to you.

Spend four cents to make a one cent piece?

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/News/TimeToKillOffThePenny.aspx?GT1=8376

That's pretty interesting, I guess.

Honestly, I could care less if we got rid of the penny, that'd be less little things that I would have to carry around in my wallet.

What've you been up to? Everything Lame.

Wu-oh. Lately my life has been extremely busy. With what? I have no clue. I have little "down time," but not much to show for it. I hate it when people ask me what I've been "up to." Because, although I'm extremely busy, I haven't been "up to" anything that's cool enough to talk about.

I babysit a lot, I clean some houses, I sit some houses and dogs, I volunteer at the pregnancy center (only because my mom is directing, I'm not an amazing person,) I'm involved with church stuff, I workout three times a week with Allie, and sometimes find the time to hang out with friends. I rarely see my family, there are times when we are all home, but we're all busy doing things other than interacting with each other.

I really love being busy but I miss the times when I didn't have to check my day planner to see if I could go to a movie this weekend. Seriously, I have to carry a day planner. How lame is that? A seventeen year old with a day planner. Honestly, get a life.

My kitten died this weekend. That was lame.

My friend got into a really bad car accident and had her baby prematurely. That was lame.

My friend and the baby are both okay. That's really amazing.

I've been worrying a lot lately about my future. Being a senior, I'm going to have to seriously start considering colleges which means I need to think about what I want to do so that I can find the college that will best fit my needs. I'm really torn over this. The two things that I'm passionate about are not things that are necessarily easy to make a living with.

If I go with the vocal performance, which is what I love to do most, I have no clue what I'd end up doing in the long run. Sure, there are quite a few different options, but it's not the most steady route. Not to mention that I'm not even close to being confident enough to pursue it. So many people have told me that this is really what I should be doing. Sometimes I just don't buy it. I don't believe in myself. I also don't have nearly enough knowledge to know where to start with this or what would be my best options....

If I go with the art, I dunno...that's more of a hobby thing that I go through spurts with. I love to do it, but I'm not sure if I'd get tired of it. Whatever I end up doing, I want it to be what I love, I'm not going to settle. I'm also not confident enough in my art skills to go after this. All I know is what I taught myself and the few things that I learned in a few semesters of classes. Art is not always a very steady route either.

I have no clue.

I'll leave it up to the big guy. If he lets you in on any of this, will you please let me know?

I know everything'll work out but right now all I'm doing is freaking out.

Well, I might have been up till early this morning playing DDR and watching horrible movies with Jenny, which means I'm tired.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, Jenny...Just stop it, okay?

Well, the reason that I haven't posted anything in quite some time is because I have nothing to post about.

Nothing that would interest you, anyway.

I don't have time to think about important stuff these days, too busy worrying about trivial things that won't matter after breakfast tomorrow morning. Too busy in general. I'm okay with it.

Well, here's a quote for ya. To all those who are easily offended by foul language: I'm sorry. But seriously, this is somewhat of a funny quote.

"We're not going to some white collar resort prison. No, no, no! We're going to Federal POUND ME IN THE ASS prison!"

I lettered? In cosmetology?

So...I went to this awards ceremony today for Pickens.

It was pretty much a waste of my night. I got an "Academic Excellence" certificate....y'know..4.0in' it up. And..I lettered. In cosmetology. I guess. That's pretty weird/lame.

The lamest part of it all is that they had a bucket of roses on the stage the whole time, which clearly weren't for decoration, or they would have been nicely arranged in a VASE...but they never gave those out.

Dumb.

At least I got a free dinner out of it.

mm. Poland.

So today I downloaded Picasa....I'm a fan. You should check it out. www.picasa.com It found all of my old pictures that I have been looking for. I found my Poland pictures, they bring back a ton of great memories, I almost want to go back just looking at them. That was such an amazing trip, it was basically just a ton of fun. It's amazing how pictures can bring up a ton of emotions. At least that's the effect that they have on me. I really love pictures....they remind me of so many things, good and bad. Either way, they equal amazingness.
Anyways, here's a little ol' baby collage of a few of my Berlin/Poland pictures. Enjoy.

p.s. It's a good thing I'm always so tall.

meh.

I had a client today. It went relatively well, she seemed happy with her cut. I guess it was somewhat difficult, as I was nervous (it was my first real client by myself) and I was so hungry that I was shaky...but, I got through it. And...my instructor said I did a good job. And...I got a two dollar tip. Gotta love those little old ladies.

Here's your post.

I have nothing to write about. Everyone that reads this already knows everything that goes on in my life. If you don't, it doesn't matter. I'm not in a creative mood, and even if I were, I can't write worth crap. I don't have pictures to share with you. If you want to see a few new ones, check my my "space". If you don't have one, get over it. I'm not in an argumentative mood, so I won't be writing about any controversial matters. Blogs are lame.

I'm full.

what are my lines?

Help me to believe in the transformation you've made in me.
Show me the pure heart you say I have.
Show it to others through my life.
Get rid of my purple water, stained and contaminated with lies and deceit.
Make it clear again, you alone have the power to do so.
Give me my lines in this play of yours, this epic story that I'm proud to be cast in.
Choreograph my steps, but give me some freedom to stumble and learn.
I know there's been a collision, help me to believe and live it out.
Give me my lines, that's all I need.

We suck.

Last Sunday morning at CREW, Ryan spoke about the mission of "the church." He talked about the fact that we focus on the church so much, instead of the mission...when it should really be the other way around. He's so right. Without the mission, there is no church, so why are we so worried about tightening up the church, and becoming a close body of believers? Granted, that's not harmful in most circumstances, it's when that takes priority over reaching out to the lost that it really screws things up.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1.8

When did we forget about that part of this thing we call Christianity? Why is it all about us?

Remember....it's not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick....why are we medicating those who don't need it? Our efforts could be put to much better use elsewhere.

In small group last week, we kind of did a follow up, and just went deeper into discussion about all of this. One of the questions we discussed is "Is there anyone that you would not want to bring to church?" and what most of us agreed on in regards to this is yes. It's not because we would be embarassed for said person we are bringing, but for how they might be treated. Honestly, I'm guilty of it too, maybe I'm not as upfront about it as some people are, but my first reaction, when I see someone in the church who may not look like they "belong," is to have judgemental thoughts about them.

So what do we do about this? We don't bring "these kinds" of people to the church for fear that they will feel out of place. They probably will because we have gotten so used to our little group of Christians who puts on their cute Sunday clothes and brushes their hair for church. We go through the motions.....it's all the same. We need to get the church used to people like this......there are people all around us who are not even close to looking like we do or acting like we act. Guess what, guys? THAT'S OK!!! *gasp* You mean people with facial piercings and mohawks can actually come to church? You mean a teenage girl who's pregnant is allowed in church?!

It's true, get used to it. Now, how can we bring these people in without other judgemental people ruining their first experience in a place that is supposed to be loving and accepting? I don't know, and that bothers me. Alot.

Gimme your thoughts.

Why are we so freaking lame?

Ice cream soup

He's the one I look up to, literally and figuratively...I'm pretty short.
He's the one that fights off testosterone filled boys for me in a room with cement walls and a single light bulb.
He's the one who twists my name until it's unrecognizable (Natalie>Natalus>Talus>Alus>Alice)
He's the one that is always willing to listen.
He's the one who will take part in the ridiculous language made up by my sisters and I.
He's the one who gets excited when his hair is long and he can feel it when he shakes his head.
He also gets upset when he washes it and it doesn't look as long.
He's the one that's unselfish with his time when it comes to friends.
He's the one who's laugh is explosive, and when he really gets going, his shoulders dance.
He's the one who will envelope you with his hugs.
He's the one who encourages and advises me in everything.
He's the one who keeps silly things like his "birthday" present (the glasses..."good for getting the girls")
He's the one who will have ice cream soup with you***
He's the one who will help you find good in bad.
He's the one I feel like I can call my big brother.


***I actually don't really remember exactly how this came to be, I think we agreed to get coffee when you came home from school, but you told my mom you would take me for ice cream (??) so we put the two together....