Getting an inch of snow is like winning ten cents in the lottery.

Last night I went on my annual First Snow of the Season walk.

A little depressing, as most of the snow had melted by the time it was dark and quiet enough to take it. It's the principle of the thing. I had to.


It was weird doing it in a different area than I am used to. Since I started this tradition I have always lived at home and done it around that neighborhood.

This time I'm at college in a different setting. There is a different feel.

Things are changing. Lives. Seasons. Most of it's good. Some is questionable. Some is hard.

I still enjoy the weather that permits Madeline coats and Italian scarves. It's beautiful.

I am where I am and that is where I am supposed to be.

I wish you could experience some of the joy in my life.

Perhaps you do.

I hope so.

It's just so good.

Everything, really. Even what seemed hopeless.

Can I share it with you?

wrapped in scarves of beauty.

It really doesn't seem like I've only lived here for four weeks. Four weeks tomorrow.

I've been extremely blessed in everything here so far, it's a little bit ridiculous.

God's doing some really great things and building some really great relationships that are far from superficial.

It's a lot of work, this college thing, but I think I can manage. I don't have much time to really do anything. I actually have to say no to people sometimes when they ask me to go out. I've never had to do that before.

The crazy thing is that I love it. A whole lot. I'm always working on or reading about things that deeply interest me and it's so sweet.

I'm in the perfect place right now. I miss my friends back home that I spent so much of my summer with. I'm jealous of the fact that they all get to hang out together, but I'm really happy to be here making new friends.

Everyone here is such a good person. So genuine.

Everyone come visit me, please. We'll listen to Miles Davis on my turntable while I make dinner and follow it up with some Mario NES style.

It's perfect, trust me.

sing like you think no one's listening.

That title is a favorite line from a Straylight Run song. I used to listen to them all the time and hardly ever do now, but I wish I could take that advice and apply it all the time. I'm a lot more self conscious than probably anyone realizes. Including myself. I wish that weren't the case, and I don't really have anything legitimate to blame it on, so we'll just go with that as being a fact of life.

There are so many times when I wish I had more confidence in myself and even in other people. I have lately been worried about turning out to be a failure. Or not even necessarily that, but just not successful. I know that if I go by the standards of America I never will be, because let's face it, I'm going to be a vocalist. I try to pretend like I don't care what other people think, but I think that's impossible for anyone to fully achieve. If you think you have, you're likely in denial.

I guess I also have a really hard time actually trusting people. I feel like I've told people about this, but just saying it doesn't help anything. I think I've been let down too many times by people that I thought were incapable of such things. I don't know. It's probably also a personal problem. One that I have not yet been able to pick apart and understand.

I miss a lot of people that used to be those constants in my life. Now they are just the ones that I make small talk with and occasionally meet for coffee to go a bit deeper. I think though, that with a bit of age and maturity, I've gained some insight in how to deal better with current relationships. It's really re-assuring to know that there are somewhat easy ways to work things out instead of running from problems, which seems to have been my example from a few different people throughout my life. The biggest screw up with me is not communicating with someone when they have done something that bothers me. I'm an extremely timid person and really hate confrontation, so I'm used to just trying to deal with it. That's never worked and I'm finally kind of realizing what it takes.

It feels weird writing all of this down for people to read. I don't even know why I do, but whatever.

College is coming and I'm ecstatic.

This has been a good one already.

The summer, I mean. I can talk about how busy I am and how it's sometimes stressful, but all in all, it's been a beauty. I have my plans for next year, God is providing money for that like I asked him to, and I'm having a wonderful time with friends. I don't think there will be many more like it, so with that in mind I've been trying to cherish every moment of it. As I talk to friends who I'll be going to college with, I get more and more excited. It's going to be such a change. Such a good change. There was a period of about a month where I was almost sad about leaving the life I know now, but that has turned to pure excitement for what's to come. I actually feel like I'm growing up now and it's weird. I don't think anyone's ever ready for that, but it happens to most of us. I like it alot.

I'm the king of the world.

I know.